It was official Wednesday at 4pm. The cabin deal closed and I headed out with a little bit more unknown and a lot more FREEDOM! No bills, no debt, no partner, no pets, no plants…
I had been intentional over the last year to create more space. To have less. To need less. To make more room for whatever wanted to come next. Now historically, I have been a “bit” of a control (freak). Organized, perhaps a touch compulsively so. Like a lot of people, I want to know what is happening, where I am going and where I am working to frame the box of who I am by what I do and what I have. It’s curious what we have been conditioned to “think” of as security: House. Job. Partner. Possessions.
In the selling of my home, I was also able to pay off the last of my tuition from 5 years working towards becoming a Yoga Therapist or Integrative Health Specialist, (I don’t even use the word yoga anymore. Too many people still assume that means teaching an exercise class…it’s not). In the last year of school in particular, we spent many hours doing “Shadow Work”. This meant digging into all of the reasons why I repeated patterns of behavior, what I grew up using as survival tools to get my needs met, what I did to feel safe, and what I had carried into adulthood because of this conditioning. All of this training was to grow in awareness in mind, breath and body; (the mind-heart-gut connection that I will be writing more about soon). Because when you know better, you can do better, learn better tools and be the next best version of yourself, letting go of the old stories. Less Fear. More Freedom.
My community of fellow therapists held an pretty incredible space; a container to grow through experiments. Low load to high load, expanding my comfort zone, questioning the boundaries of my likes and dislikes, fears, and beliefs. This next chapter is my biggest experiment yet…
I have let go of many of the things I thought I needed. I have a vehicle near full of new “essentials”. Laptop, 5 favorite books, cooler, duffel bag of clothes, a few kitchen tools and my favorite coffee mug and wine glass. I had a direction in mind and headed West.
This morning I am sitting in the open door of my hotel room, sipping coffee in the quiet. It is still quite surreal to know that I don’t have a house anymore. Sitting with the idea of “Home” being wherever I find myself each day will take some time to land. This week I have a cabin on Lake of the Woods in Kenora. I have plans to see some of my favorite people I met living here nearly 13 years ago. Eventually I’ll head to Calgary, another place I lived and worked in Corrections.
One thing about visiting the places I used to live is also revisiting the old versions of myself. It is interesting to look at the old identity, personality and stories that went along with that version. I’ve always loved change, and reflecting now, I am so thankful for every person, event, and place along the way that has shaped the current me. Life is a continual journey of growth and learning better ways to do things. It is also a challenge to bring the unconscious patterns to light, especially the ones that have hurt people. This self-study stuff is rarely pleasant work, but freedom is on the other side.
So…August 1st. Another marker of time into a new chapter. It is my intention to write more, to post more, to share the findings of this experiment with the ones who have asked me to. I feel like I am here in this go round, (a fellow being like you; divinity experiencing itself in a temporary “human suit”), to stay awake to who I am. To know and be an expression of love…and connect to others in this same knowing and being. To sit, to visit, to have conversations about things that matter.
Connection is Freedom
I am a temporary temple that carries infinity. (And so are YOU)
Every connection is Sacred.
We are all Divine.
And if you’re curious, the 5 books are:
- Breath: The new science of a lost art by James Nestor
- Polyvagal Exercises for Safety & Connection by Deb Dana
- Perennial Psychology of the Bhagavad Gita by Swami Rama
- Radiance Sutras by Lorin Roche
- Yamas & Niyamas by Deb Adele
If you want to follow along, I will be posting on my social media sites: Facebook, Instagram and website as well as sitting down to record some new podcasts. I’d love to hear from you along the way!
Jen Aarnamo S-IAYT
Mind Body Whole Wellness
Integrative Health Therapist
Cell: (807) 621-0615
FB: Mindbody Wholewellness
iTunes Podcast: Freedom through Self Care